The Monitor's American Idol Chat

By Brandon Garcia, Idol Chat Editor 

Chris told Randy, Paula and Simon that the reason he wanted to be the next American Idol was to make David Hasselhoff cry (the Tanned One shed some tears as he watched Taylor Hicks win last year in the audience). Unfortunately, the only one crying Wednesday night was Chris’ wife, who watched her portly hubby sing for the last time on the Idol stage. Can anyone say ‘divorce?’ Voters finally saw past his quirky persona and realized his voice needs some work, but more than that, he was an oaf on stage. It seemed like maybe he would flower before our eyes over the course of the competition, but alas, his Idol dreams froze like a seed in the winter. Let’s look more closely at why the head of the Fro Patrol bombed out so early.

• FOR
  The Sligh Persona — Everybody’s convinced this is a singing competition when it’s actually just a reality show. What made Chris a strong contender was that he was a memorable character. In addition to his stout figure and tumbleweed of hair, he was self-deprecating and he had an ironic sense of humor. In a police lineup with fellow contestants like Amy Krebs (who?) and Brandon Rogers (huh?), he was not forgettable.
• Powerful voice — Right out the gate, Chris showed he had a remarkable
  instrument with more depth than your typical Idol contestant.
  Unfortunately, the more we heard, the more we realized it has room for
  improvement.
• Christian-rock background — Chris fronted a modern Christian rock band pre-Idol, and I’m sure he managed to pick up some faith-based votes, especially by singing songs from DC Talk and Mutemath.
   

AGAINST

• Unhotness — Simply put, Chris was not camera-friendly. Though he reportedly lost 50 pounds between the Hollywood rounds and now, he was still very homely, and the glasses and slacker clothes didn’t help. Plus, his performances on stage were ungainly and he never appeared at ease.
• Self-righteousness — While some might have thought his sass toward Simon was funny or cool, I have a feeling it turned a lot of people off. The real mystery was why he was never able to translant the offstage charisma into anything interesting on stage — his performances came off as pretentious, and even worse, dull.
• Fall from grace — Chris Sligh had more pre-Top 24 exposure than anyone else. He was considered a frontrunner before we even knew the names of some of the people still in the competition. But Chris just goes to show how even the megapimped can fizzle out. He never capitalized on his early fame, and instead of winning new fans with steady improvement, Chris basically just sailed along, turning in passing performance after passing performance without a true standout. By this week, nobody was ready to forgive him for a bad job.

Chance for Post-Idol Fame: Chris needs to thank his maker for his run on Idol, even if he didn’t win: The guy has record deals drafted and waiting to be signed at all of the major Christian music labels. Church-going viewers have definitely not heard the last of Chris Sligh.

Catch all of Chris performances on YouTube:

Top 24 - “Typical” (Mutemath) (Idol Chat score: 7.1)

Top 20 - “Trouble” (Ray LaMontagne) (Idol Chat score: 6.6)

Top 16 - “Wanna Be Loved” (DC Talk) (Idol Chat score: 6.5)

Top 12 - “Endless Love” (Diana Ross) (Idol Chat score: 5.4)

Top 11 - “She’s Not There” (The Zombies) (Idol Chat score: 7.2)

Top 10 - “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” (The Police) (Idol Chat score: 4.9)

By Brandon Garcia, Idol Chat Editor 

Compared with Sanjaya Malakar’s jaw-droppingly wretched performance of The Kinks’ “You Really Got Me Now,” which had much of America wondering whether they should ever watch the show again, Stephanie Edwards‘ tepid take on “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me” seemed like Grammy-winning material. So why is she currently on a midnight plane back to Georgia? None of the judges here at Idol Chat predicted her ouster — even though I thought her strained vocals and agonizing performance were the night’s low point, I still thought she’d be safe. What happened? Let’s take a look at what Stephanie had going for and against her:

FOR

• Good style. Stephanie established her place as the fashionista of the season early on, and week after week, she looked amazing.
• Beyoncé sound. With its penchant for frenetic vocal runs, her voice reminded many of the Knowles, and it probably worked in her favor, at least in the beginning.

AGAINST

• Boring song choices. Like Melinda and LaKisha, Stephanie never strayed far from her R&B stylings, and it resulted in at least a couple of really dull AI moments, if not awful ones.
• Melinda and LaKisha. From the start of the Finals, I had a hunch she’d be overshadowed by her soul sisters, LaKisha, Melinda and Sabrina. Sabrina bit the dust early, but still, there can be only be so many divas per season, and Stephanie wasn’t measuring up. I said it since Day One: She was the third Dreamgirl, and dreams don’t come in threes.

CHANCE FOR POST-IDOL STARDOM: Fair. She’s pretty and has a solid voice and a non-existent personality that could be molded into something marketable a là Carrie. Still, there are about 10,000 Stephanies actively looking for a record deal in Los Angeles. Not getting to strut her stuff on the Idol tour doesn’t help her chances.

Catch all of Stephanie’s performance on YouTube:

*Top 24: “How Come You Don’t Call Me Anymore” SCORE: 7.4

*Top 20: “Dangerously In Love” SCORE: 7.3

*Top 16: “Sweet Thing” SCORE: 5.8

*Top 12: “Love Hangover” SCORE: 5.5

*Top 11: “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me“ SCORE: 4.8

By Brandon Garcia, Idol Chat editor

In a symbolic nod to the new lows reached by this year’s American Idol contestants, Carrie Underwood returned to the stage where her star was born to give an emotionless, un-Top 12 performance of one of the filler tracks on her album. Though she’s finally got a good stylist and dropped those last few corn-fed pounds, her stale vocals are a fitting tribute to Sabrina Sloan, Jared Cotter, Antonella Barba and Sundance Head. Before they return to obscurity/ridicule, let’s bid them a final farewell.

 ANTONELLA BARBA

Even though Antonella only managed to sing three notes in tune during her entire stay on Idol, she deserves a round of applause for giving this tedious season a little bit of oomph. Sitting on the toilet bowl, flicking off the camera, covering her bare breasts beachside — that’s the Antonella I know and love. It’s too bad she never did anything close to scandalous (or memorable) with a microphone in her hand, but who knows? The latest rumor is Girls Gone Wild offered her $250,000 to host their next “documentary.” Will she take it? The age of innocence is over, Antonella. Do it! Post-Idol Chance of Stardom: Very good if she follows the Paris Hilton/Sienna Miller career path paradigm.

 SABRINA SLOAN

Sabrina wasn’t afraid to vamp it up in skimpy outfits and big hair, but when it came down to it, she was yet another Whitney-Mariah spawn — but still better than, say, Haley, who made it into the Top 12. There’ll be other opportunities, but perhaps a little nip/tuck on the face might help. Post Idol Chance of Stardom: Slim to fair. Maybe she can find T-Boz and Chili and revive TLC. Just as long as she doesn’t wear a condom on her eye.

 JARED COTTER

His ladies’ man act fell flat, but not as flat as his voice, which even Paula said was straight off the assembly line. He’ll be neither missed nor remembered. Post Idol Chance of Stardom: Zero. Maybe less.

 SUNDANCE HEAD

He had a “unique” name, his dad was famous, he had three times as much airtime prior to the Semifinals than any of his competitors — what happened? Never has an Idol contestant so ruthlessly and relentlessly butchered good songs. Never has an Idol contestant made me doubt the innate goodness of mankind. Never has an overpimped Idol contestant so richly deserved an early exit. The judges and the producers gave him so much undue adoration, and the guy repeatedly threw out comments like “I’m the best singer I know” and “Yeah, I’ll make the Top 24 for sure.” It’s nothing less than miraculous that America saw through the warthog’s hubris. And by the way, “Sundance” is the worst name ever conceived — I can’t tell you how glad it makes me knowing I’ll never have to hear it again. Post Idol Chance of Stardom: If he makes a hit record, you’ll find me swinging by a rope in my closet, because that’s about as sure a sign as you can get that the apocalypse is coming.