The Monitor's American Idol Chat

When Sanjaya is among the better entertainers at your party, you know you’re in trouble. The eight remaining guys competing for six open slots in the Finals performed so poorly as a whole that ratings will probably sink and low-level Fox execs will be fired. Tonight the Idol Chat judges will tell you which of these delusional dudes will continue on their futile quests to be the next American Idol.

“Hey, have fun!” Paula Abdul insists, her lips contorting, her eyes rolling back in her head. “You guys are celebrities!” The Top 10 men left standing on American Idol took a cue from their off-the-deep-end judge and tried to loosen things up after smearing the show’s reputation with their wretched performances last week. How did they measure up? Let’s see what the Idol Chat judges have to say — because Paula certainly wasn’t making sense.

BRANDON GARCIA: Seacrest starts off the show with a moving tribute to Jennifer Hudson, whose Academy Award win Sunday “validates the quality of the talent that our judges discover.” Right. Because they were so supportive of Jennifer back when she was on the show singing her guts out in an outfit she likened to a “turkey wrap.” Speaking of turkeys, the theme tonight was “Dedicate Your Song and Pretend You’re On Oprah.” The guys gave us their Hallmark moments on their grandmothers, grandfathers, girlfriends, wives, etc., and then sang songs about breaking up and how the world is sex-crazed. My heart is warming like a potato in the microwave.

GLORIA CHEEVER: Tonight was a little more exciting, but it is still a struggle to stay positive. I wasn’t totally impressed with these performances OR song choices. However, these young men are very talented … so I hope they continue to grow on this show.   

*Click on the contestants’ names below to watch their performances from last week on YouTube.

“Missing You” (John Waite) Watch the original

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Phil is a very likeable guy, but don’t know how far this is going to take him. We expected the men to come out swinging, but Phil chose a very safe song. He has decent vocals; with some help, he can expect to improve. There is something about his look. Reminds me of The Mummy. I guess it’s the baldness. We know it sounds harsh, but American Idol is so much about the look as the vocals. These first weeks, it all has to do with the look. Phil will be here next week, but for how long …  not long. SCORE: 6 out of 10 

BRANDON GARCIA: Phil shamelessly grabs for the military vote as he dedicates the ultimate ’80s eighth-grade heartbreak song “Missing You” to his Navy buddies. And courtesy of home video, we get to see him “rock out” wearing full sailor attire, which makes him look like he works at Baskin Robbins. Curious message you’re sending, Phil, but I guess it’s better than singing “In The Navy.” As is apparently unavoidable, Phil bumbles through the beginning but hits some blazing notes at the end. Like his voice, Phil’s looks waver from handsome to Steve-Buscemi-level hideous. Simon called him a “very, very good karaoke singer” — which means he’s not doing too shabby on this show, essentially the karaoke world championships. SCORE: 7.5 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: This guy is talented! Much better song choice this time around. I agree with Simon — I think he has a lot of wonderful color in his sound. He scores big with me technique-wise. No tension, just a good nice sound. SCORE: 7 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ : Phil Stacey, I thought he was all right. Not bad, kind of a neutral start to the night. Simon didn’t care for it too much, can’t say he was all that wrong.  The boys had a week to improve their performances after last weeks terrible start. I guess when you see it that way this wasn’t that great after all. SCORE: 5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: This guy seems to be “American Idolish,” but lacks the spark that will make him shine more than the rest. His bald head is very distracting. I can’t seem to focus on the music. Vocals are good, just a boring song. SCORE: 6 out of 10

“Let’s Get It On” (Marvin Gaye) Watch the original

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Jared improved from last week. We think he should stick to the blues — it is his niche. The problem this week is Jared tackled a song he should sing only if he is in the Top 4, not the second week. It is MARVIN GAYE!!! Don’t get us wrong: We do believe Jared has good potential and is a pretty boy. That will take him on a few weeks. Stick with the blues — just choose your songs wisely, Jedi. SCORE: 6 out of 10 

BRANDON GARCIA: Jared dedicates “Let’s Get It On” to his mom and dad. Hotttttt. To his credit, he didn’t add one drop of libido to his performance, so it pretty much was dead on arrival. He tries to dress the song up with whoops and ahhs, even gets down on his knees to chase the camera longingly. All we want to do is run from this shaky-voiced, possibly epileptic man who’s trying to get in our pants. Now that we know Mom’s to blame for dragging this guy into our lives, let’s mail him right back to her Thursday, shall we? Best moment of the night: Paula says the song isn’t one that needs to be “pushed.” Then her eyes cross and her face lifts itself lazily into a smile. “Huh. Huh huh. ‘Pushed.’ Huh huh huh.” She’s feeling no pain, folks. Let’s be happy for her. SCORE: 4.5 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: A sexy side to Jared! However, if I had a son, I certainly would NOT want him imitating him or singing this song. I don’t think it was appropriate for
America. It was also (wow, I actually agreed with Paula) very pushed. I’m concerned for him — last week lots of tension, this week a pushed sound. Be careful, Jare. You want your voice to last … it’s the only one you’re ever going to get. SCORE: 5 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: He was pitchy again, but this time he showed a little more power. Like Phil, it was only all right. Although it was better than last week, I don’t see this dude blossoming into something great anytime soon. SCORE: 5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL:
CARLTON!!! Since the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air stopped airing in the 1990s, I had wondered where you had gone. Heh heh heh … just can’t dance like you used to though. SCORE: 5 out of 10

“Feeling Good” (Standard)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: A.J. has a good fashion sense. Could that be a downfall?  Simon said he was “strangely comfortable” — what did he mean by this? He does have to improve vocally. Good falsetto.  His dancing tends to take his breath away and his singing suffers. What about those dancing moves? NO! Get some new ones. Nail the vocals, then worry about the dancing. We liked his rendition. He will remain this week, but has a lot of improvement in order to remain among the boys. SCORE: 7 out of 10. 

BRANDON GARCIA: The bad girl of the Top 10 men also dedicates his song to his father and mother, who was Rae Dawn Chong in a past life. A.J.’s performance is sultry and seductive in the way that Jared’s was not. His smooth, resonant tone and good dancing are a nice fit for this show. It’s like he watched hours and hours of Toni Braxton videos and told himself in the mirror: “This is who you will be. C’mon, you can do it: Hands out. Lips pouty. Shake neck.” SCORE: 7 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: I would’ve taken the tempo a little faster. The beginning was rough, but I think he redeemed himself at the end. I like that he took a risk. Not bad! SCORE: 7 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: He was good! He surprised me; that’s great. I liked his personality this time around. This was fresh, and I think he found himself on stage. If the pitch problem improves, his chances get way better. SCORE: 5.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: OK, I have the original track of this song and it sounds nothing like this. But he did sing well. Too bad I wasn’t loving it. He has a pretty voice for a girl, and for a girl I give him … SCORE: 7 out of 10

“Steppin’ Out With My Baby” (Standard)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Sanjaya … you are gone! This was terrible. How do you whisper a song and say it was great? NOW you put a hat on? The Michael Jackson lookalike is enough to be voted off. Who is choosing your songs? Your grandpa? When did he come out with this song, yesterday? We wonder if there are any people around when these people are practicing. Think about it. Can’t anyone with one good ear come in to his practice and tell him, “Sanjaya, choose another song, ’cause this one sucks.”  This guy’s has no business being here. GO HOME. We believe he will be going home. We can’t think of anything good to say about this. Oh yeah … STOP with the smile. Maybe the teens will keep him in this week, but his time is running out. SCORE: 4 out of 10 

BRANDON GARCIA: That’s where Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” hat has been all this time! Only God knows why Sanjaya chose to play up his unflattering resemblance to a King of Pop impersonator at a gay bar. Only God knows why Sanjaya decided to “celebrate … the great years … of music” and push the very limits of the word “boring.” Only God knows why he blessed Sanjaya with a great instrument and left him with the look and personality of John Mark Karr. The little-train-that-can’t is now getting creepy. Derail him, peeps, before he tries “Heal The World.” Please. SCORE: 2 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: I kinda liked it … but I don’t think he’s going to be around another week. It was a risky song, very musical theater, which isn’t always accepted too well on this show. This definitely shows a different side to him, but I don’t think it’s enough to get him to the Top 12. If America is forgiving, he needs to step it up. SCORE: 5 out of 10 

CHRIS BENITEZ: Oh man, this kid needs to watch himself on camera all day long so he can learn what not to do. I feel he is probably going home now. Very odd, but not a good odd. His singing was barely audible. I think this guy should try singing in the key he talks in. That is a CHRIS DANIEL tip! Hahaha!!! SCORE: 3 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Oh, this guy breaks my heart. He is sooo sweet, but looks like the cute little kid Michael Jackson gave his clothing to. No love for him. There is not enough air in his breathing, making it hard to hear him. SCORE: 5 out of 10

“Trouble” (Ray LaMontagne) Watch the original

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Jump on the bandwagon now, boys and girls. This guy has been our boy since the beginning and is now proving who he is. Love the feeling he puts out when he sings. Sings with passion. Brought a tear to Amanda’s eye with his song. Now, doesn’t his voice sound like Roy Orbison? Take a listen next time. Just like
Roy, we will be hearing a lot more from Chris. We saw the softer side of Chris, and Amanda Flores loved it. SCORE: 8 out of 10 

BRANDON GARCIA: Chris Sligh sings “Trouble,” a tune that was tedious when Taylor sang it last year and hasn’t improved. Chris is more soulful than Taylor ever managed to be, and his voice is better restrained, richer and more melodic — but the guy is no fun to watch. His doofy walking reminds of Kirby on NES, and well … Chris, how about a paper bag? Paper bags are in this season. Have one on me. Look, even your wife agrees. She’s nodding, Chris. Put it on. SCORE: 6.5 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: He has a beautiful instrument, but I didn’t care for the song choice. Of course, I’m not Sarah (his wife) … SCORE: 6 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: I think Chris Sligh has a pretty great-sounding voice! In the year of Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard, I think Chris would have been the underdog and overmatched. But, This year is different, and I think vocally he is one of the best. I believe his voice and presence will improve each week. Very solid today. SCORE: 6.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Wicked hair. Man this guy’s voice does not match his face. I think of Blues Traveler. Or Chucky on Rugrats. HIs voice on the other hand is awesome, radio material. He’s got my vote. SCORE: 8 out of 10

“Fever” (Standard) Listen to the most well-known version

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Don’t vote for Pedro!  We don’t know what saint he prayed to, but he was saved last week … not this week. Pedro … you are on your way home. His is this year’s crooner, but crooners never do well on American Idol. Sorry.  We don’t know why he uses that raspy whisper to sing — probably to hide the fact he can’t sing. Nothing more to say … except bye. SCORE: 4 out of 10 

BRANDON GARCIA: Nick gives us an uneven, wandering performance of this overdone jazz standard. Pedro stills looks uncomfortably constipated, but his voice simmers. Then he crashes and burns. And then it’s back to simmering. Very uneven, like I said, but all in all it leans toward “good” rather than “bad.” My fellow panelist Chris compared Nick to the guy from work who sings — I kind of think that’s part of his charm, which he almost ruined with that “Vote for Pedro” nonsense. Still a Top 12 contender, as far as I’m concerned. SCORE: 5 out of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: Loved it! A nice, sultry sound…I think his voice is pretty original, but I agree with Simon in that he is in need of more fitting attire. He needs to be a little riskier with his style. I hope to see him in the Top 12. SCORE: 8 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: He has a unique tone of voice. Raspy, smooth but NOT powerful. I really never know what to say with Nick. Just very plain, hey if you like plain, he is your guy. But I don’t think plain will win this year, so he better work something out quick SCORE: 4.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: I think I am the only person who doesn’t care for this guy. I think he’s lame, and flat out just don’t like him. He bores me. And he’s not worth me spending 15 cents on a text.  SCORE: 5 out of 10

“Virtual Insanity” (Jamiroquai) Watch the original

BRANDON GARCIA: Folks, you heard it first on Idol Chat: Blake Lewis will bring back the beat-boxing and the Urban Outfitters rags today, I said, and here you have it. He’s even wearing a cap from the Super Mario Collection that looks like a map written on a mushroom. In my Top 12 Predictions, I suggested he sing “Missing You,” which Phil Stacey just so happened to pick. Should’ve listenened to me, Blakey. “Virtual Insanity” seemed like a good song for our style maven to pick — in theory. He disproved that idea almost immediately when he decided to pair his weak, out-of-breath vocals with rave moves and sound effects. His quicksilver voice should have been capable of doing this song justice, but by the falsetto at the end, Blake sounded like a scrawny little kitten pawing at my door. Someone bring me a BB gun. SCORE: 5.5 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: This reminded me of a Justin Timberlake performance. Not bad. I think the scatting was pretty original. He also has a nice falsetto and a great sense of style. He is definitely unique. I don’t think he sounded at all like Jamiroquai, which is good, because I didn’t like the song choice very much. He’s still one of my favorites, though. SCORE: 7 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: This guy is a natural. I think Simon made a little booboo here — not that Blake Lewis is perfect, he just looks way more comfortable and confident on stage than everyone else.  As long as he keeps pushing his limits I see him going very, very
far. SCORE: 7.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: I like this song. But he didn’t make it WOW until the artificial voice box stuff. He sounded like he was running out of breath. SCORE: 7.5 out of 10

“Time After Time” (Cyndi Lauper) Watch the original

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Maybe the Valley ties will save Brandon … NOT!  Brandon, pack your bags. How do you have so much experience in the singing industry and you choose Cyndi Lauper. HOW?  This was terrible. Pack your pink shirt! Brandon keeps on talking about Next Week, Next Week … there will no more Next Week for  Brandon. Stop with the song had heart … it had nothing. It was a cross between Cyndi Lauper and Froggie from the Little Rascals. Not even some X-rated pictures will save Brandon. See ya! SCORE: 3 out of 1 

BRANDON GARCIA: Listen to Cyndi Lauper sing this and you’ll see what Brandon’s version is missing. Brandon’s grin is ear to ear throughout the whole performance — no feeling at all. A Care Bear could have sung just as passionately as Brandon did. Like Melinda Doolittle, Maxwell-Lite is a former background singer. Unlike Melinda, Brandon is wallpaper. Adding yet another Idolism to our vocabulary, Simon said he lacked the “wow impact,” but as far as I can tell he lacked a pulse. SCORE: 4.5 out of 5 

GLORIA CHEEVER: It was nice. He is very talented, but I didn’t care for the song. It was good, but I didn’t love it. SCORE: 5 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: This was not good. Not good at all. The outfit was pretty terrible as well.Very pitchy, and very weak.  At this point, I wouldn’t want
Brandon singing backups for anyone. SCORE: 4 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: BLAH! The attire was rancid; the song was vile, oh dear no. You made me love you last week and now I hate you! That’s it, it’s over! GO HOME! SCORE: 2 out of 10

“Geek In The Pink” (Jason Mraz) Watch the original

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: We had mixed emotions with Chris. We loved the way he chose a youthful song with “Geek in the Pink” from Jason Mraz. And his vocals keep getting better and better. We do think he is going to go places. Here is the mix up: He acts too much like Justin Timberlake. He has the clothes, moves etc. from Justin. Too much. Is it a good thing? Maybe we will be wrong if he changes now, but it is a turn-off for us. The judges seem to like him. He will be around for a while. 

BRANDON GARCIA: This song is actually called “Geek in the Pink,” and Chris is actually dedicating it to Big Mama, his overbearing, party-animal grandmother back in Virginia. Chris navigates the tricky melody better than Blake did in a similar song —in fact, maybe Chris should have sung “Virtual Insanity.” But just like his taste in music, Chris makes my skin crawl. Too cocky. Too Timberlake. And thanks to him, Big Mama’s going to show up in my nightmares, just like Large Marge did when I was a kid. And still, he’s probably one of the more talented singers in this bunch. Sad times, people, sad times. SCORE: 7 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: Fun! I liked him last week and I love him this week. I think this song really showed his personality. He was definitely one of my favorites tonight! SCORE: 9 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: I don’t know, I wasn’t impressed with this performance. The judges really liked it and that surprised me. It did nothing for his voice, with the exception of maybe a note or two. I have watched it twice already and don’t see anything that says “American Idol.” SCORE: 5.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Speak to your grandmother with that song? Wow, you decided to dedicate a naughty song to your g-ma. Nice … hate to see what you would dedicate to your mother. I will say I liked the song, and him. But he does NOT resemble Justin Timberlake. This guy is actually attractive. SCORE: 7 out of 10

“Mustang Sally” (Wilson Pickett)

 J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: We believe Sundance should stick to these FUN songs. He does very well with them. Fun songs do not show his vocals too much … but will get him the votes. It IS a resurgence from the first week. A LOT better than last week. Sundance will not go home this week. Depending on the songs he chooses, he might be a surprise at the end. Best of the night for us. SCORE: 8 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Asked what the public’s response to his performance last week was like, Sundance says “They said not to be so crappy.” Gotta love this show’s high standards. His “Mustang Sally” is passable, which is a lot more than can be said about last week’s ungodly performance. For some reasons, the judges and producers REALLY, REALLY want to keep this guy — Simon lied through his teeth complimenting Sundance when he would have torn apart anybody else for putting forth such an average, wedding-dad effort. That screaming at the end was unforgivable. The minute teardrops welled in Sundance’s beady blue eyes while talking about his infant son/lizard, I knew I was through with him forever. The warthog weeps, America falls for it and I’m calling it a night. SCORE: 3 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: This was a big surprise for me! I missed his initial audition, so I didn’t get to hear how talented he really is. He brought down the house! I almost feel bad (almost) about wanting him to go home last week. I’m glad America kept him around so we could enjoy this. SCORE: 9 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Wow, he entertained today!!! Very awesome indeed. I loved the rock scream — that’s what I’ve been waiting to hear. Easily the best performance of the night, and the first performance I actually enjoyed from the boys. SCORE: 8.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: This is more the type of music that suits this guy. Not bad, Sundance. I thought you might be going home, but alas I stand corrected. SCORE: 7 out of 10

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Sundance Head and Chris Sligh 

BRANDON GARCIA: Phil Stacey. Chris Sligh would be next, and then Chris Richardson would be a distant third. 

GLORIA CHEEVER: Sundance Head!

CHRIS BENITEZ: Well the best were … Sundance Head and Blake Lewis. A side mention to Chris Sligh as well

MARITZA HAMILL: Chris Sligh

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Nick Pedro and Brandon Rogers 

BRANDON GARCIA: Sanjaya Malakar, by leaps and bounds. His earrings come in Second Place. Sundance, you’re right behind them.

GLORIA CHEEVER: Sanjaya Malakar

CHRIS BENITEZ: Sanjaya Malakar, Jared Cotter and Brandon Rogers all had poor performances this week.   

MARITZA HAMILL: Brandon Rogers 

BRANDON GARCIA: Jared Cotter, for being forgettable and unsexy, and Sanjaya Malakar, for … well, everything.

GLORIA CHEEVER: Some combinatin of Sanjaya,
Brandon or Jared

CHRIS BENITEZ: Sanjaya Malakar and Jared Cotter

MARITZA HAMILL: Nick Pedro and Brandon Rogers

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: The boys were given a task last week when the women took them to town. We don’t believe the men responded. They will again be taken to school tomorrow night. We can’t imagine why the men do not come out to win — they come out just to stay in the competition. There are two men who we believe BELONG. That’s it. Maybe there are late bloomers — NOT. Common men, you are letting us down. 

BRANDON GARCIA: Frontrunners bombed, subpar contestants got slightly better, and another night of Idol men draws to a close. I dedicate this review to all their wives, grandmothers, Big Mamas, etc. — eat up your 15 minutes, loved ones, ’cause your dudes’ numbers are up.

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Sundance Head made a glorious comeback in the eyes of most of the Idol Chat judges. After tallying the votes, we are predicting Jared Cotter and Sanjaya Malakar (with Nick Pedro and Brandon Rogers as alternates) will head home this week. Come back tomorrow morning to see what we think of the ladies’ second week, and see how our predictions match up to the results on Thursday.

~~~A DREAM … FOR SOME GIRLS~~~

The Top 12 ladies vying to become the next American Idol breathed a collective sigh of relief last night as the Top 12 guys gave us a bottom-of-the-barrel milestone. Did the fairer sex fare better than their counterparts? 

~~~BEFORE THE SHOW ~~~

 GLORIA CHEEVER: Well, tonight was much more exciting than last.  I still think that my college friends and students who have auditioned (that didn’t make it through) could blow some of these people out of the water.

MARITZA HAMILL:  Being that I was in choir in fifth grade, I have some experience in this field. Heh heh heh. OK, so I can’t hold a note to save your life, but I can definitely scout talent. My judging looks deeper into the souls of our lovely contestants. Tonight’s performances were ones to remember. I can certainly say that there’s a HUGE gap between the OK singers and the stars.   

~~~THE TOP 12 GIRLS~~~

*Stephanie Edwards - “How Come You Don’t Call Me Anymore” (Alicia Keys)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Finally, this is starting to look like American Idol. Stephanie set the bar pretty high. We loved her attitude as she sang. She completly owned this song as soon as she started. The women are off to a great start. What a difference from the boys yesterday. If this is what is to come tonight, I can’t wait. SCORE: 7 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Anyone remember LaToya London from Season 4? Well, she’s back with a different name, a better wardrobe and slightly more personality. Stephanie opened the show with soul-diva style during a lively, in-tune performance that would have been remembered if there weren’t at least five or six other girls who took the same approach. Going first did not help Stephanie’s chances. Too bad: Alicia Keys bores me; Stephanie didn’t. Loved when she fell to her knees. SCORE: 7.5 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: Stephanie has a nice sound — but this song didn’t really do it for me.  Her performance did get better as she sang. It was definitely an improvement from last night. SCORE:  7 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ : She started the night off strong. Better than any guy from the day before. She was a little pitchy but it didn’t matter because she was ACTUALLY singing and performing with a PASSION. Good solid stuff here. A great way to start the night off; the bar was raised, finally.  SCORE: 7 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL:  Killer dress. This girl is good.  She has the total package … pleasant-looking, trendy attire and a good voice.  She has a touch of Beyonce’s style in singing. She will be one of the finalists. SCORE:  8.5 out of 10 

*Amy Krebs - “I Can’t Make You Love Me” (Bonnie Raitt)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Sorry you had to be the next contestant after Stephanie. The air has been led out of the Idol balloon. Amy did not have any personality. Her presentation reminded us of one of those cheesy CD collection commercials where the man and woman are sitting on a sofa as they sip some wine and the big voice is talking about calling a 1-800 number. This was a very poor song choice, but we don’t think it would have mattered. SCORE: 4 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Amy “Personality of A Candle” Krebs reminds us she can’t make us love her, even when she washes her hair. She’s cute despite the frightening Joker mouth, but she’s a cardboard cutout, completely lost among the soul divas. Amy wobbles off pitch and brings not a hint of sadness to this aching ballad. Then again, neither did anyone else who has ever sung this one the show. Nice meeting you, Amy. SCORE: 4 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: I would’ve picked a song in a slightly higher key — and one that would show off her voice. This performance was boring and unexciting. I would send her packing. SCORE: 3 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ : Pitchy of course, and weak, and her fashion sense was kind of dated. All in all she is very forgettable. You see I can’t even think of what to say! I think she might be packing her bags. While I do think there were worse singers tonight, I just don’t see her sticking around. She is the Rudy Cardenas of tonight — not terrible but just not special at anything.SCORE : 3.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Started of kind of rough. Reminds me of late-night, there’s-nothing-to-do karaoke. The friend that just broke up with her boyfriend and wants to sing about it. Nope, I’m not feeling it. Flat line_________  SCORE: 6.5 out of 10 

*Leslie Hunt - “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” (Aretha Franklin)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: What was with those boots? Every season we see a female with an unusual low voice who does not make it very far. Hello Leslie, we think this is you. She seemed she was caught in the proverbial deer in the headlights. We understand Aretha would party with Patty LaBelle and Diana Ross, but don’t think Leslie Hunt was on that list. Leslie embarrassed herself with her rendition. Leslie should not walk a Great Dane. SCORE: 5 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: The lunatic nympho from Wedding Crashers on American Idol? Rad! I’d been waiting all week to see Leslie after checking out the MySpace page of her old band, Mark Twang. Singing with them in her husky voice, she had a totally unique indie-rock/bluesy vibe. Tonight’s performance was pretty rough around the edges, but I like how she’s loose and low-key. Leslie’s performance wasn’t as sensuous as the song requires, but c’mon voters: Keep her around, if for no other reason than to see her crackpot dance moves one more time. SCORE: 5.5 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: Her dancing was a little awkward — almost distracting. Kelly Clarkson sang this in Season 1, and she nailed it! I don’t think she did it justice. This performance was disappointing, especially because I like the song so much.  I would’ve selected maybe a Melissa Etheridge or Bonnie Tyler song. Her voice has that rough character to it. SCORE: 5 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ : Wow, singing in key seems to be the ultimate goal as of late, that was not accomplished here. There is some nice tone to those out of tune notes but, well, what’s the use of that? Her look was slightly better than Amy but still nothing great. Just bland, I think she might join Amy in going home. You see, I think improvements can be made. I just don’t see people voting for her. SCORE : 4  out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Melissa Etheridge’s little sister. Her voice is similar, and very deeeeeeeep! She cut the song short in sections, almost like she ran out of breath at times. Although she did a good job, it needed more umph! SCORE: 6.5 out of 10 

*Sabrina Sloan – “I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You)” (Aretha Franklin)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: The professional singing experiance really came through.  She did not play it safe with the balIad.  We think this is very good and will go far.  She should stick to this kind of genre.  It really did very well for her.  The bar has now been elevated even further.  The guys should be trembling.  I voted for her till my carpel tunnel acted up.  SCORE 8 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: The theme was Disneyland Does Disco for the guys last night — tonight, I felt like I was back at Cinemark Hollywood on Nolana, praying for death as Dreamgirls reached the four-hour mark. Though Sabrina is a half-step away from looking like a drag queen, she gave a dangerous, mature and well-sung performance. Sabrina is definitely not going to be in Maxim anytime soon, but she’ll make the finals if she keeps it up. SCORE: 8 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: I think this song was a great choice for her. She looks great and really does have a unique sound. I look forward to seeing more of her. SCORE:  7 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ : A commanding voice similar to Christina Aguilera’s, just a little thinner-sounding. When I say thinner I mean the sound produced, not her body. I see this girl getting better and really shaking things up. She’s in the top 3 in my opinion.  SCORE : 7.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: This will be one of the finalists. Cute attire, good voice, playful performance, she’s got it all. I like her a lot! She is exactly what American Idol material looks and sounds like. SCORE: 9 out of 10 

*Antonella Barba - “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” (Aerosmith)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: This was one of Amanda’s favorites, but will never be in the run.  Antonella, Aerosmith? Really? She should have tried out with the guys yesterday. She might had have a chance. This song was tooo much for her. Someone throw Antonella a life jacket because she drowned in her song choice. She was the most Googled Idol last week, and that will definitley be her 1:30 minutes of fame. Call your best friend and tell her you are coming home Friday morning.  See ya. SCORE: 3 out of 10.

BRANDON GARCIA: Jersey girl with the porn star name gets crushed by Aerosmith’s worst song. Can’t we just forget Armageddon and everything about it ever existed? Her voice was trembly, her vocal runs were all over the place … but look on the bright side, Antonella. At least there aren’t photos on the Internet of you urinating. Oh … wait. SCORE: 2 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: What a pretty girl. I love her sense of style — classy and chic. She has a nice voice, but not much about it is special. I agreed with Randy — it was bland. SCORE: 5 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ : The girl with the best look had the worst voice tonight. Well, it was close, between her and Alaina Alexander. Bad choice of song! I mean it’s a great song but think about it, Steven Tyler sings that song on the same key that she attempted — he sings it amazing, and he’s a dude. This lets you see the fact that for a girl, she does not have much power or range. Now this girl will not be kicked off yet, she will be able to go back to the drawing board and figure out what she has to do. Unless America actually goes on singing 100 percent when voting. SCORE : 3 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: She sucks. SCORE: 2 out of 10 (But I’d pick her for the RGV Calendar! Heh heh) 

*Jordin Sparks - “Give Me One Reason” (Tracy Chapman)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: What a difference a day makes for 17 year olds. I guess it is true that women mature a lot faster than men. Jordin has natural talent. All-natural. All the confidence in the world and the voice to go with it. This is going to be the girl who will surpise at the end.  Love Jordin! SCORE: 8 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Gutsy song choice, Jordin. Too bad you weren’t comfortable with the low notes and you didn’t really get into it until the end. Your giggling makes me physically ill, but you’ve got a strong voice and you’ll probably do better next week. And you’ll never make the cover of Tigerbeat if you keep flirting with Simon. SCORE: 6 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: I probably would have advised this young lady against singing something so low in her chest register, but she stepped it up at the end. She’s young, fresh and very talented. She will do very well in this competition, especially because I think she will win America over with her charm. SCORE: 8 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ : When she started I thought, “another bad song choice”. To my surprise she gave a pretty exciting performance. The low notes in the beginning owned her though. I think what came out here was a natural talent for the stage, a likable talent. She is young, but she didn’t come off as stupid like some young ones can. At this point I realized that Ryan Seacrest is taller than about 2 percent of the contestants.  SCORE : 5.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Fun gal, but need practice for that great voice. A super natural, and with a few years of proper coaching could be the next big thing. Just needs coaching! I see a great future for this gal. SCORE: 7 out of 10 

*Nicole Tranquillo - “Stay” (Rufus & Chaka Khan)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Nicole told us she is a voice major. Whatever school you might be attending, please ask for a refund. That was like a joke that just went over our head. Sort of like watching Stewie say a joke on Family Guy. Too many cat sounds. Could have been the song Britney was listening to while she cut her hair. Sorry but noooooooo. Going home, Nicole! SCORE: 3 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Here’s this year’s Stevie Scott, the singer who talks endlessly about her vocal training and then embarrasses every teacher she’s ever had. Nicole looks like she’s giving birth during her performance and her reckless singing is agony, pure and simple.  SCORE: 4 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: This was a terrible song choice from the beginning. She sounded like she was imitating the artist. It was awkward and unimpressive. A little too intense and aggressive for me.  SCORE: 5 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: This girl seemed odd from the moment she walked on the stage. Her vocals were rough, and she sounded nervous. I think she mentioned being a vocal major? Well, I think this girl will improve and will make it to next week. A plus for her was keeping her mouth shut with the judges. That is something that I think a lot of people like to see. Everyone likes to rag on Simon, but in the end he is the most accurate judge. It did her good to be polite and not speak. SCORE : 4.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Ohhhh, someone took out her anger on the mic.  Lady, step away from the mic, and put your hand up … over your mouth. There’s a good voice in there I’m sure, but this song is the type of song that makes you turn the radio station off! SCORE: 4 out of 10 

*Haley Scarnato - “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now” (Celine Dion)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: The night was going pretty good until these last two.  Her voice is OK, but she would be perfect for the role of The Little Mermaid. If Idol does not work, and I am sure it will not, she can try our for a Disney stand-in.  She was not Idol caliber. WE beliveve it came down to song choice again. Find yourself Haley, or you will find yourself out the door. SCORE: 5 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: The only contestant from Texas seemed like a sexy, laidback chick you might want to have a beer with. Then she got on stage and sang this Celine Dion/Meat Loaf number like it was her quinceañera. Perhaps knowing this, she played up both her cleavage and the diva-reaching-for-the-heavens motions, but neither could hide her wobbly, lifeless vocals. Every note made me want to slap her face. I don’t have a clue what the judges see in her. SCORE: 3 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: I don’t think she can pull off a song that requires that much control and a solid “belt.” A pretty voice — but definitely needs work on releasing the jaw tension.  That was the culprit of Simon’s ever brutally honest comment (“You sounded old.”)  The jaw was “shaky,” and created a wobbly, unnatural vibrato. I don’t think that Broadway is “her thing,” as Randy said.  She sings primarily in her head register — a very light, pretty sound. SCORE: 5 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Hey, she’s from San Antonio, that’s pretty cool. The only problem was her having a bad vocal performance. I agree, she sounded straight from the hotel lobby. I think one problem here was …well put it this way, Celine Dion and Meat Loaf. Both of those singers have sung that song so great that anything less is still a hard, hard feat to accomplish. There was no power, or feeling, just vibrato that was a little over done. Also her answers were a little off and nervous to the judges. She needs to realize that everything she does from the moment she arrives to the moment she’s off camera can persuade someone to vote for her or the others.SCORE : 3.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Disney’s Belle has now entered the building. Please walk forward and sing the over rated song … thank you, now walk away, quickly. Her voice is good, for a cutesy cartoon. But this is not a cute cartoon. Change your song.  SCORE: 6 out of 10 

*Melinda Doolittle - “Since You’ve Been Gone” (Aretha Franklin)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Every Idol season has someone with a great story. Ladies and gentlemen, Melinda Dootlittle. Oh my, big things do come in small packages. Like a great windup toy that just stops when it is over. WE loved her voice. Great range. We are only seeing the tip of the iceberg with Melinda. Finally, Ryan can see across someone. This is her time.  Go get ‘em, Melinda. SCORE: 8 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Definitely one of the better Dreamgirls-inspired performances of the night. Melinda looked shy and maternal in her pre-performance clipped, but she ditched the makeup counter apparel for a slinky, Lauryn Hill look and matched the new look with a energetic, flawless singing. She’s a natural on stage. I started feeling like I was at a revival at one point, but then it was over, and all in all Melinda rocked. SCORE: 8 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: What an incredible voice and energy!  She’s one to look out for, even if she doesn’t win the competition. She has her own style and can really make a song her own. I can do with less of the “grunting,” but it gives her character. SCORE:  9 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ : The third girl to really bring it to American Idol tonight, and in my opinion the best of the three! This girl was having fun, hitting every note solid, and looking professional at the same time. If she had a CDE released right now, I would buy it. I hope she can maintain this level of performance. She was fun to watch! Big voice, great stage movement and a look that improves the moment she starts singing. SCORE : 9 out of 10 MARITZA HAMILL: Not your typical American Idol look, or singing. A GREAT voice, somewhat reminds me of Tina Turner’s voice (not the head shaking song though). She will be there in the end also, just watch.  SCORE: 9 out of 10

  *Alaina Alexander - “Brass In Pocket (I’m Special)” (The Pretenders)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Alaina kind of reminded us of Sheryl Crow … oh wait, Sheryl can sing! WE didnt think “Brass in Pocket” was hard to sing until we heard Alaina. WE called her Idol intermission. We could have gotten up, come back and not missed a thing. Alaina could not sing, she was pitchy and all over the place. Alaina, you are on the list … the Bottom 3 list, that is. SCORE: 3 our of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Alaina learns the hard way we don’t always get what we want, even if we’re pretty and blond. In addition to looking exhausted throughout the wretched karaoke performance, she might as well have handed the judges a gun by picking a tune called “I’m Special.” Even Antonella’s jaw dropped in disbelief that someone else had sung as poorly as she did. I’ll take a large pepperoni when you get back home, Alaina. SCORE: 4 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: She had a little difficulty singing in her chest voice. Unfortunately, there’s not much she can do other than pick another song.  She did okay, but it wasn’t exciting at all. SCORE: 5 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: ??? That singing belongs in the shower or car. I don’t know, I think she might actually stick around one or two more weeks due to her looks. SCORE : 3 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: She’s going home. She’s another karaoke queen. Really good at the bar but no match for American Idol’s REAL contestants. Horrid attire as well. But we know Ryan doesn’t mind. SCORE: 3 out of 10 

*Gina Glocksen - “All By Myself” (Celine Dion)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: As soon as we heard the song start, we got excited. We know the range of this song, and if she could hit it, it would rock. She did. Simon was mistaken on this one.  She did hit her note. The problem is that she interpreted Celine’s rendition, not hers. Gina, if you take on Celine, you lose. SCORE: 6 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Dental assistant/angry goth chick Gina is the last person I’d want working on my teeth.  Hot Topic will probably ban her for singing Celine Dion’s “All By Myself,” another horrible song that won’t die. It’s a weird match, but Gina has the muscular, pure-toned voice for it. If the tweens aren’t immediately reviled by her pugdog face and cocky attitude, she’s probably a safe bet for the finals. SCORE: 7.5 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER:Wow! What a rich, beautiful instrument!  The high note in the middle was nice — but it did go slightly out of tune. I’m going to blame that on nerves and insufficient breath. I see her being in the top.  SCORE:  8 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Hmm, well she’s going to be around for a little bit.  I think a lot of people will like her if she can get some good singing going. Not that tonight was bad, it just wasn’t a shining moment. It’s her style that will get people voting for her; she is the only girl in the bunch that doesn’t have a huge voice, yet I still think she can go far. SCORE : 5.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Strong voice, but looked scared. I kept thinking she was going to crack a note.  It doesn’t come natural to her. She can sing, but it takes effort. SCORE: 6ish out of 10 

*

LaKisha Jones - “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” (Jennifer Holliday/Jennifer Hudson)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES:  What a woman!  Everyone else, GO HOME! SCORE: 10 out 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Please … no … more … Dreamgirls. So Lakisha’s obviously awesome, but I wasn’t thrilled. She’s definitely shaping up to be the next Jennifer Hudson, but we already have one of those. As far as looks go, she’s more Jennifer Holliday than Jennifer Hudson, but she sang the Dreamgirls anthem at least as well as the latter. But is it a smart move to do the signature song of a former American Idol contestant you resemble in almost every way? Apparently it is — she’s already been crowned the one to beat. Again, she’s without doubt one of the best of all the Top 24, but I want to see LaKisha, not J. Hud 2.0. SCORE: 8 out of 10

GLORIA CHEEVER: She’s passionate about what she does and that comes through in her performance! A naturally talented singer; this girl is the one to beat!  She has her own style and can make any song her own. I think she’s Simon’s favorite and definitely mine! SCORE: 10 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Vocally speaking, she is powerful, very powerful. The reason I do not see her as the best of the night was because of everything other than vocals. I think she might run into trouble giving the same kind of song every week. I’m definitely not trying to take anything away from her vocal pipes, those things can produce volume, it just may become redundant. Second-best of the night! I think being in the venue live, the power of her voice might be so big that Simon, Randy, and Paula were persuaded that she was the best of the night. I can understand that. Great stuff! SCORE : 8.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: She’s going to win American Idol … Period.  SCORE 10 out of 10 

~~~LEADING LADIES?~~~

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: What a difference a day makes. Randy was asked how many boys he would keep. He said four.  I say NONE. The girls are here to win. Sorry guys, you don’t measure up.  The bar has been set way up high tonight. This is what American Idol is all about. LaKisha should be in the recording studio, tomorrow. This was GREAT!

BRANDON GARCIA: Overall, it was a better week for the girls than the dudes — but neither group really stood out in my opinion. Ironically, the bad singers tended to pick the best songs. Hopefully once they’re gone, the girls with talent will pick up the trend. And for the love of God, no more Dreamgirls.  

~~~THE BEST~~~

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: LaKisha Jones

BRANDON GARCIA: I’ll go with Sabrina, just for the sake of variety. I’d say Melinda and LaKisha did about as well.

GLORIA CHEEVER: LaKisha Jones

CHRIS BENITEZ: I think Melinda Doolittle, Lakisha Jones, Sabrina Sloan and Stephanie Edwards really shined tonight. Also with a side mention of Jordin Sparks.

MARITZA HAMILL: That goes without saying: Lakisha Jones, who blew everyone away. I felt my eyes water as her passion seeped through the television and whispered, “If you don’t vote for me, me and my single mom butt are going home crying … alone.”  I was touched, and in awe. But in order to save face among my buddies, I pretended that I wasn’t really paying attention. This lady ROCKS!!! Can I get an amen to that … anyone … anyone?? 

~~THE WORST~~~

BRANDON GARCIA: Haley Scarnato. Several others nipping at her heels.

GLORIA CHEEVER: Amy Krebs

CHRIS BENITEZ: Antonella Barba and Alaina Alexander

MARITZA HAMILL: Heh heh heh, oh poor Antonella, so cute, but so off-key.   

~~~WHO’S GOING HOME?~~~

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Antonella and Alaina

BRANDON GARCIA: Amy Krebs and Nicole Tranquillo

GLORIA CHEEVER: Amy Krebs and Alaina Alexander

CHRIS BENITEZ: I think Amy Krebs, and Leslie Hunt, who actually were not the worst singers, but we all know how it goes:

Semi talent + dull + forgettable = going home 

Bad voice + good look + memorable = stay for a few weeks      

Great Voice + Great look + Memorable + Exciting = American Idol

Terrible voice + terrible look + memorable = William Hung wannabes

MARITZA HAMILL: Antonella and Alania Alexander … they were both so out of their league.  

———————————————————————————

Which two guys and two girls are going back to obscurity? Will justice be served? Probably not, but tune in tonight to find out.

~~~THE BEGINNING … OF THE END~~~

“It’s going to be a long year,” according to Ryan Seacrest, who made that prediction after early favorite Sundance Head howled through his song like a werewolf preacher at a funeral in hell. Sundance was among what looks like the worst crop of guys in American Idol history. Maybe it’ll be funny later on, but right now the first actual competition of the new season feels like a serious let-down after an eternity of tedious and mind-numbing auditions. Then again, tonight we found out one contestant has got some chops to back up his famed sense of humor, and that another one isn’t going to be so easily pegged as “the beatbox guy” anymore. And Paula, sporting a new carmelized mane for summer and a wretched outfit, announces her entry into demented middle age. Yikes.   Oh, yeah, welcome to the first edition of the Idol Chat judging panel, where we review the contestants’ performances on America’s most popular TV show.  

THE JUDGES

Chris Benitez is the vocalist, bassist and songwriter for the local rock band Warryor. He has been performing as a musician for the past 10 years and is currently working on a solo project. Benitez hails from Mercedes. He was an early fan of the show and is eager to return.Idol Idol: Clay Aiken

J. Cantu is co-host of The Morning Kiss show and a program director at Hot
Kiss 106.3. Cantu has been on the air for the past 14 years. He is from San Benito. He has been a fan of the show since its start. Idol Idols: Kelly Clarkson and Chris Daughtry

 Gloria Cheever is the owner, director and primary voice instructor of Singing Stars Voice Academy of McAllen. She has been studying music for 16 years and is from
Mission. She has been a fan of the show since the first season. Idol Idols: Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken

Amanda Flores is co-host of The Morning Kiss show and an assistant program director at Hot Kiss 106.3.Flores has been on the air for the past eight years. She is from Brownsville. She has been a fan of American Idol for the past three seasons. Idol Idols: Kelly Clarkson and Chris Daughtry

Brandon Garcia is the slot editor and columnist for The Monitor and co-owner of Leyenda Production Co., a McAllen-based community theater. He is from McAllen. He has been a fan of the show since Season 3. Idol Idol: Elliott Yamin Maritza Hamill is owner of RitzMill Marketers Inc. and The Modern Beauty Bar within 600 Plus Gymspa inEdinburg. She is from San Juan. She has been watching the show since Season 1. Idol Idol: Kelly Clarkson 

~~~OPENING THE SHOW~~~

CHRIS BENITEZ: So I watched American Idol tonight … what did I think? Well, I can’t say I was blown away. In fact I think everything was either lame, or maybe average tonight. To be honest I’ve always found this part of the season to be the most average. Some contestants have not found their groove, and the bar has not been set high, at least for the moment. My ratings seem tough, but you have to set the bar very high. At least for the first few weeks since I’m not sure who will blossom and who will just wilt away. The overall theme of the night was out-of-tune singing.

*Rudy Cardenas – “Free Ride” (Edgar Winter Group)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Not good having a shirt with a target on it. I wanted to throw something at it. He had an OK voice, but was a short step away from having platform shoes and dancing “Tequila” on a bar.  Does he look like Pee Wee … or is it just us?  For having some experience, he really lacked it on stage. He had some energy, but song was sooo outdated. Not a good start. SCORE: 5 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Rudy starts the night ominously by begging the audience to “have a good time tonight, y’all.” He sounds exactly like you’d expect a guy in a band called M-Pact to sound. Two words: Disney Channel. Thing is, this guy looks like he’s in his mid-30s. Rudy’s loud, extended notes were pure pain, and desperation filled his eyes as the end of the song neared. After the judges tore him apart, he told Ryan Seacrest he “had fun” while wearing the saddest frown ever. I can’t even laugh as his puppy dog eyes glisten with tears. This is one feel-good night, folks. SCORE: 4 out of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: Three words:  Diction, diction, diction. Ok, so that’s one word, but “Come on, let’s take a free ride” was all I understood (or maybe that was the only part of the song that I knew). And note to Rudy: Tilting your head back does not always make the high note sound better … in your case, it was worse! We completely lost the vowel on the word. Good attitude, but not a great performance. SCORE: 5 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Rudy Cardenas started the night out with an average karaoke performance. You have to have at least one special feature to be successful: a voice, a style and a gimmick. Well, the problem here is I don’t think Rudy is strong enough at any of those things. Just average! SCORE: 3.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Did someone say Latin Pee-Wee? Don’t get me wrong, his guy has a good voice, but I was waiting for the crowd to yell “Tequila!” I got to see this one perform, which begs the question, “saxophone anyone?” SCORE: 7.5 out of 10

*Brandon Rogers — “Rock With You” (Michael Jackson)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: He lived up to his experience.  Sounded like a backup singer … oh yeah, he is a backup singer.  Did you know this guy has performed in the Valley a couple of times? For his sake, I hope his performance here was better than that. Brandon sang ANOTHER outdated song. It’s American Idol, not 70s Idol. We are 0-2 tonight. SCORE: 5 out of 10. Barely.

BRANDON GARCIA: Before tonight, Brandon came off like your typical winning Idol contestant — handsome, cookie-cutter personality, good voice — plus he’d toured with Christina Aguilera. Brandon seemed ready to follow through on this promise as he started out this Michael Jackson classic. The come-hither glances were a little revolting, but he sounded smooth and natural … and then it suddenly became Disco Night at the Magic Kingdom. Brandon loses his groove in the middle and into the end, as well as a lot of his shine in the process. SCORE: 5 out of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: Very Luther Vandross … he drew me in. I think his sense of pitch would be better if he focused more on his breathing — the shoulders continued to come up on the inhale — and I don’t feel his body was completely engaged. Overall, it was a pretty good performance. I really like his voice. SCORE: 7 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: I thought this guy was going to school everyone. With experience singing backup with some pretty big names, Brandon started off all right and then went the way of the night. I see the potential here — bad night, and a poor vocal range. When he was singing at a softer volume, he was good. Not great. SCORE: 4 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Did GAP just puke on Lenny Kravitz?? Now I got to see his performance, and yeah he missed a few notes, but he’s G-O-O-D! The attire was well put-together and the voice was as smooth as chocolate. SCORE: 8.5 out of 10

*Sundance Head – “Night In White Satin” (The Moody Blues)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: This guy has no business being here. He REALLY must know somebody. We think he looks like Uncle Lupe at your cousin’s wedding, trying to sing a song for the bride. Paula talks about how good he is, but she must be in another “state of mind.”  He sang ONE good song during his initial tryout, but that must have been the song he has sung in the shower, hundreds of times, because it has been the only song that didn’t hurt our years. Don’t unpack your bags, Uncle Lupe. SCORE: 3 out of 10.

BRANDON GARCIA: Oh, lord, why? Why?! Sundance rocked the house the first time we ever saw him at his initial audition, but it’s been a grotesque train wreck ever since. Tonight was the icing on the cake for Sundance. He stood before a trippy mercury backdrop in the kind of suit you bury people in and bellowed monstrously at the camera: “I love yoooooooooo.” Yes, that’s “yo.” Randy eloquently tells him he was “almost not quite hitting the tone … ever.” Don’t delete this rare gem from your TiVo, kids — this was one of the worst performances in Idol history, and a stunningly awful debut. SCORE: 2 out of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: Oh, boy. I hope they’re not all this boring. I did not care for the song, and most of it was definitely not on pitch. He could probably work on his breathing to help with the pitch problems — but choosing a better song is probably the better solution. Good voice, not so good performance. He is one of the two I think would be going home. SCORE: 4 out of 10 

MARITZA HAMILL: I got to see this guy also, and all I have to say is to the left, to the left, everything you brought to Hollywood in the box to the left. They can have another you in a minute, and in fact he’ll be here in a minute. SCORE: 4 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Sundance Head was next, the big man with a big voice. Once again the song choice was just odd for his style. I could list almost everyone tonight in the same critique. Out of pitch, nervous and just uncomfortable. It’s hard I know, but these guys have big opportunities in front of them, and so far no one seems like they really want it. SCORE: 3 out of 10

*Paul Kim – “Careless Whisper” (George Michael)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: The barefoot kid.  I don’t know, Paul … maybe some chanclas?  He was very off-key. Randy says Paul is one of the best voices of the night — I really beg to differ. George Michael is very hard to imitate. He was trying to imitate George while at the same time making the song different. Not good. VERY safe.   SCORE: 3 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: “I want people to be shocked, surprised,” Paul said before he performed. We are, Paul, we are, and not in a good way. With an opening “c’mon, y’all,” he gives us yet another blah, totally unsexy Idol performance. His low notes are barely audible and he chokes on the falsetto. And I’m already sick to my death of hearing about his ugly feet. Did anyone else catch when he sang something about “feet” during the song … and then pointed down at his own? Brilliant, Paul, just brilliant. Please be gone next week. Please? SCORE: 4 of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: I commend the attempt to sing the high notes, but they just did not come through. I completely agreed with Simon, both about the shoes and the song. Please, Paul, put your shoes on! And I also thought it was a “third-rate version of the song.” It didn’t “wow” me, either. He’s my other choice for those I would send packing.  SCORE: 4 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Up next is Paul Kim, who will probably be sent home next. No shoes, no voice, sorry, no service! I mean a star or two will be made from this show. I don’t see this guy as one of those few. How did he get through? SCORE: 2 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: This guy doesn’t sing half-bad. In fact, he doesn’t sing bad at all. I think he may be a surprise to everyone. SCORE: 7.5 out of 10

*Chris Richardson – “I Don’t Want To Be” (Gavin DeGraw)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: If you really, really squint your eyes and dim the lights, he just might look like Justin. Are you kidding me? Not even close. He bought some Justin clothes, some moves, but that’s it. He might have the young-girl vote, which might leave him in a while — just ask Chicken Little (Kevin Covais from last season). He will be here for a while. SCORE: 6 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Chris is one of the several Elliott Yamin wannabes in this group. Chris did “A Song For You” in his first audition (Elliott’s signature last year), and tonight has donned a jazzy attire (Elliott) and chosen to do “I Don’t Want To Be” with the exact same funky arrangement they made for Elliott. Sorry, Chris … you’re no Elliott. But even with your poser Justin Timberlake impression and your weak tone, you actually managed to be better than anyone who came before you this evening. To quote Randy: “You made it kinda work.” Better than nothing, bud. SCORE: 5 of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: OK, so it was a little on the nasal side. I’ll explain. When someone has a voice that lacks fullness (or a “small” voice), they tend to sing with a little more nasality to get a louder sound. Simon, he can’t help that at this point. It takes time to develop the sound. That being said, I think that if he works on his technique, he can achieve a fuller sound over time. All in all, one of my favorites — and the fact that he’s kinda cute doesn’t hurt. SCORE: 9 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Chris Richardson looked very nervous. He said he was not earlier in the show. That’s a laugh — I’ve been performing for years and I always get nervous, NO MATTER WHAT. Yes the Justin Timberlake comparison is there, but he doesn’t sing as polished and professionally as Timberlake. He was kind of doing a little funny dance at first, not realizing he was pulling away from the microphone. That’s the nerves! The song he chose was tough, trust me. Gavin DeGraw sings this with amazing ease live while playing the piano. Something tells me tonight the talent level was way, way, way below that. Simon knew it, they all new it, except maybe Paula who dances way too much while
trying to judge a performance. So all in all, he was pretty good. SCORE: 4.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL:   _______ flat line________. This guy did nothing for me. Kinda cheezy in a Kraft sorta way.  I can see him with a big grin holding a box of macaroni yelling “Thanks Mom!” SCORE: 5.5 out of 10 

*Nick Pedro – “Now And Forever” (Richard Marx)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Pretty boy, but that is about it. Remember the Charlie Brown teacher? “Blah Blah Blah?”  That’s what WE heard.  The song started bad and ended bad. Sorry Pedro … no one is voting for you. Not even Napoleon D. can save you from this one. See ya. SCORE: 2 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: A very drippy, uninspiring song choice and a pale performance by a good singer who could easily get lost among his peers. He’s nervous to the bone and he falls off pitch, but Nick’s got a tone I like and a raspy, understated way of singing that this show is sorely lacking in. And he seems genuine. He better step it up. Note: I’m noticing singing in falsetto is popular with these dudes. Nick handles his decently. SCORE: 6.5 out of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: This was a prime example of a decent singer and a terrible song choice. He also had terrible posture … but a nice sound. I have to say that he took me back to my dreadfully awkward seventh-grade Valentine’s Dance. I agree with Randy — it wasn’t the best. However, he has lots of potential. SCORE: 6 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Nick Pedro looked like he just got off work and walked straight into the show. Born to be a karaoke champ! His falsetto was weak, but his voice was all right. I’m being tough but realize what’s at stake here: big contracts, and a future in something like singing. I want someone to really surprise me with their talent, but so far it’s been boring. SCORE: 4 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: That raspy voice that you really don’t mind listening to, and you ask questions to just to hear his voice — well that’s this guy. He makes raspy sound good. He has a great singing voice. Very memorable. SCORE: 8.5 out of 10

*Blake Lewis – “Somewhere Only We Know” (Keane)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: The BEAT BOXER! Who knew Blake had a voice. There was an instance where he almost forgot the words, but made up for it very well. We expect good things from Blake. Finally a current song! He had a good voice and great promise. We do think he is going to improve in the weeks to come. SCORE: 7 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: This is the guy they promoted as some kind of a hipster sound f/x maker with wild hair and an “urban” vibe that screamed “PHONY PHONY PHONY.” Wrong. Blake puts himself right in front of everyone by dumping the stupid noises and poser outfits. Put him in a sweater vest, give him some Coldplay-esque material and he’s the real deal, exuding comfort and style on stage. The judges hit the nail on the head when they said he’s the only one that actually sounded like a musician in this era. Hopefully he won’t screw it up by bringing back the old Blake. Here’s a way to avoid that: Do some Morrissey. Note: Blake has some falsetto for us, too. Need to work on that, brother. SCORE: 9 out of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: What a unique sound! I think he will definitely be one of the top contenders. He has a great sense of style and lots of charisma. I think he would shine brighter if he were to select a song that shows off his range. Blake was also one of my favorites. SCORE: 9 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Blake Lewis looks like a performer. He was the first to go up there and actually have some stage presence. Now his voice wasn’t shining like the stars but remember when I said you have to have at least one thing? Well he has the presence, and a pretty good voice. He is the guy who does the beat box stuff, and I’m glad he understands that this is a singing competition. It will give him the chance to do his thing later on and actually have people listen positively rather than “OK, we get it already.” His performance was the best overall in my opinion. SCORE: 6 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Wow, this guy is different. I think what makes him work is that he is not like anything I have ever seen before. The “bopping” is sweet! I think it may be hard for people to catch on to this guy. Me likey! Different, good! SCORE: 8 out of 10

*Sanjaya Malakar – “Knocks Me Off My Feet” (Stevie Wonder)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Oh my, Sanjaya.  Not good at all. We think he tried to stick to Stevie Wonder because of his audition, but it BACKFIRED. Did everyone get their teeth done and eyebrows waxed? Stop with the smile. It is kinda getting to us. He is WAY too young and acts young. He belongs on the Disney Channel. Do you remember the Hardy Boys in the ’70s? He would be great for the part. American Idol is way too big for him. Out of his league. Call your sister, tell her not to take over your room. SCORE: 2 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Sanjaya was looking like this season’s little-train-that-could. He’s young, he’s bashful, he’s got a smooth, pleasing tone … but absolutely no star quality whatsoever. He sings Stevie Wonder like it’s playing in an elevator and he practically vanishes on the stage. Zero presence. And that’s too bad, because he seems like a nice enough kid. Like Michael Jackson before … well … Maybe we can blame his sister, Shyamali, who was a complete snob before she got cut in Hollywood. She always seemed a little jealous of Sanjaya, who told us she picked this tune out for him. You evil, Shyamali. EVIL. On a side note, Sanjaya did give us the best moment of the whole show in this exchange: 

SIMON: ‘They’ll love you hair.” (it was thick and wavy and highlighted)

SANJAYA, (flattered): “Oh, thank you. I’m sure you’ll like yours, too”

Suhhh-nap! SCORE: 1.5 out of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: Was it just me, or did it seem like he didn’t really know the song? This, too, was a terrible song choice. Simon took the words right out of my mouth: “It was dull.” Interesting that he mentioned the “irony of the song,” because every time he sang, “I don’t want to bore you,” I couldn’t help but think, “You already have!” All that aside, I think that he has a nice young sound and a great attitude. So even if he goes home, I think he has a lot of potential to do well in another season. SCORE: 5 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Sanjaya Malakar got on stage and got off??? Did he sing???  To be honest, I don’t really know what to say. His voice wasn’t pathetic but at the same time it barely existed. He had no emotion up there, just a smile. I like that Simon mentioned that people will like his hair; in fact I think people will keep him on the show for a while just because he is a little different from the rest. SCORE: 4 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Hmm, not sure what I think of this one just yet. Not safe to say he sucks. So I won’ t….yet. He is very young. I need to see more to tell for sure. SCORE: ??? out of 10 

*Chris Sligh – “Typical” (Mute Math)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: WE have been following this guy since his first tryout. WE love him. WE are totally on his wagon. Yes, we have heard it: He looks like Jack Osbourne … AAAAND? He sang a song and made it his own. There is a lot more to come from Chris. We were finally entertained tonight, especially with Ryan and Simon going at it. We loved his comeback to Simon. More of this to come. Jump on the Sligh!  SCORE: 8 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Chris is the “funny” one. He’s enormous, unattractive and sports a Sideshow Bob fro. The judges and all of America were delighted with his middle-of-the-road humor, and he’s sure to be overwhelmed by teenybopper love in the next few weeks. Aside from all that, he has the best voice out of all the guys. He does a terrific job in the verses of this song, but the anthemic chorus is not as stellar. Simon calls him on it, and Chris, who reportedly is the lead singer in a Christian band, smacks back with a nasty little jab at Simon’s track record as a music producer (Il Divo, Teletubbies CD). Way to make friends, Chris. Still, already looking like this year’s Taylor Hicks. SCORE: 8 out of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: Very energetic? Yes. The best performance I’ve ever encountered? No. Lots of potential, though. He’s likeable…in a great big teddy bear sort of way. SCORE: 7 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Chris Sligh is big guy No. 2. He got on Simon’s bad side, tonight I think. I actually enjoyed his performance and think it was the second best of the night. Good movement as well, not overdone at all. I’m usually in agreement with everything Mr. Cowell says, but I didn’t understand where he was going on this one. SCORE: 5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: This guy is funny. He is funny looking. He dresses funny. He cracks funnies. And his gestures are funny. But there ain’t nuthin’ funny about his voice! He can sing! He needs to stop the Nacho Libre hand gestures though.  SCORE: 7.5 out of 10

*Jared Cotter – “Back at One” (Brian McKnight)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Brian McKnight, he’s not. Jared is not a very good singer yet he does have a lot of potential. He will also have the young-girl vote. He had a lot of trouble with his falsetto. Speaks very eloquently, very Miss America-like. He is not going home this week. SCORE: 5 out of 10.

BRANDON GARCIA: Weird how this family-oriented show is so into Brian McKnight tunes considering the man’s not-so-wholesome sexual crimes against minors. Jared is like 100 other contestants who came before him: R&B stylings circa 1998, fair-to-middling voice, completely forgettable. Jared is sorta charming, I guess, but no one’s going to remember his weak, stale performance, which was as flat as can be throughout the song. Jared even throws in the raised index finger as he sings, just so we don’t forget which number he’s singing about. “Back at … what was that again, Jared?” This one’s a goner on Thursday. Note: Another falsetto. I’ll rank it: 6 out of 10 SCORE: 4 out of 10. 

GLORIA CHEEVER: I agree with Randy and Simon: I would’ve picked a song more out of his comfort zone. He held a lot of tension in his upper body, especially while singing in his upper register. Releasing some of that may make him more comfortable singing something riskier. Not a memorable performance, though. SCORE: 6 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Jarred Cotter had no range with his vocals, he was not captivating.   SCORE: 3.5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: Good voice. This guy sounds like he was pulled out of a 1950s jingle. Good, clean, along for the ride. I think this guy will dodge a lot of bullets, but may not be different enough to win. SCORE: 8 out of 10

*A.J. Tabaldo – “Never Too Much” (Luther Vandross)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: A.J. looked like he was having a lot of fun! We think he spent too much energy in the show and not on the vocals. He sang a very safe song. Don’t worry, A.J., it was a safe song night. He could be the lesser of all the evils. Not going home this week. Good job. SCORE: 7 out of 10.

BRANDON GARCIA: A.J. describes his Idol experience thus far as “every word in the dictionary.” Lucidity, A.J., pure and simple. A.J. reminds me of a teenage Deborah Cox. He’s spunky and is right at home in this adult-contemporary R&B style. He does have more rhythm than many of his peers. Still, he’s not that good in the scope of things, and like Jared he’s pretty forgettable, the very worst thing you can be on this show. Note: More falsetto. Probably the highlight of A.J.’s lively but lame performance. 9 out of 10. SCORE: 6 out of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: Diction. I couldn’t really understand everything he was singing. However, he had nice control in the upper register. Great energy! I didn’t care for the turned up collar on his polo, but it’s forgivable. SCORE: 7 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: A.J Tabaldo looks like the best singer that would spring out of anyone’s small town or work office. SCORE: 4 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: ZZZzzzzz… WHa!!  (Wiping drool and snot from my face) Huh? Did I do it again???  Five times is not a charm. SCORE: 5 out of 10

*Phil Stacey - “I Could Not Ask For More” (Edwin McCain)

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES:  They did save the best for last. We think Phil will be one of the ones to beat. He did start out HORRIBLE, but was able to focus and end very well. Phil has very rich sounds. The Britney look does not help; he needs something to tie it all together.Make it work! SCORE: 7 out of 10

BRANDON GARCIA: Remember that evil rat in American Tail who ended up being a cat? That’s who Phil Stacey reminds me of. He’s also known as the guy who ditched his wife while she was having their second child to audition for the show. She apparently didn’t mind too much — she sat in the crowd, looking on adoringly as her hubby blew through yet another overdone Idol tune, the treacly “I Could Not Ask For More.” Clay Aiken did it better, but Phil sounds forceful and in tune when he gets into the meat of the song. Still, this is another example of a performance that is deemed “good” because the second half was a step above the god-awful beginning. Oh, and Phil? Your newsboy hat’s on crooked. Oh … you … intended that. SCORE: 7 out of 10 

GLORIA CHEEVER: This performance felt a little disconnected. He has a great voice, but I agree with Simon — not the best I’ve ever heard. It was okay. I loved his attitude (very mature!) and his look. I think if he steps up to the plate he has the potential to be one of the finalists. SCORE: 7 out of 10

CHRIS BENITEZ: Phil Stacey (5) started bad but recovered in time to sing a pretty good chorus; he has some potential if he can just work the nerves off. SCORE: 5 out of 10

MARITZA HAMILL: ZZZzzzzzz. Oh, whu- who- hu?? Did I just fall asleep?  Oh, sorry.  You bore me, though your vocals are good. I am just b-o-r-e-d.  Me go to sleep now….ZzzzZZzzzzz ….zzzz SCORE: Zzzzz out of 10

~~~THE BEST~~~

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Chris Sligh

BRANDON GARCIA: Blake Lewis

GLORIA CHEEVER: Between Blake and Chris

CHRIS BENITEZ: Blake Lewis

~~~THE WORST~~~

BRANDON GARCIA: Sanjaya Malakar. You weren’t far off, Sundance. GLORIA CHEEVER: Paul and Sundance 

~~~WHO’S GOING HOME?~~~

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: Sanjaya Malakar and Nick Pedro are packing this week. 

BRANDON GARCIA: If justice and fairness had anything to do with this competition, Sundance and Sanjaya would be gone. Since it’s always the most forgettable singers who go home, I predict it’ll be Jared and Nick tomorrow night. Too bad about Nick.

GLORIA CHEEVER: Paul Kim and Sundance Head

CHRIS BENITEZ: Paul Kim

~~~CONCLUSIONS~~~

J. CANTU & AMANDA FLORES: The boys did not start well at all. We believed the boys were going to be stronger than the girls this year, but there are doubts. It was a very very safe night. This is the night you could have eaten a whole can of Peter Pan Peanut Butter with no worries! Usually there is someone who steals the show. This night, it could have been Simon calling Ryan “sweetheart!” We thought we were going to see some body slammin’ … yeah right.  Their hair could have been misaligned. We hope to see better tomorrow, today was a sad night. Come on gentlemen, this is it! 

CHRIS BENITEZ: Overall it was a disappointing show. I love music just like you or anyone else and I know how the music industry works. I can tell you at this point somebody better blossom or do something to be remembered by because the contestants are very forgettable. At least they are right now. I’m hoping the girls have a better showing tomorrow

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Great start, Idol. Come back tomorrow morning to see whether the girls do better. Come to think of it, it’d be a true feat of nature if they could do any worse.